june 18

College is about becoming, not just achieving

Many parents focus on what their child will do in college—but what about who they’ll become?

It’s a worthy question to explore before and even during the college application cycle. Pursuing a college degree could be anywhere from 3, 4, or even 5 years of your life. But you’ll be living with YOU for even longer than that. It’s worth it to consider what kind of a “you” a student wants to become.

From classroom to cafeteria: how students encounter different worldviews 

Part of the fun of college is the experience of meeting people from all over the country, sometimes the world! These conversations happen in both formal (classroom, study sessions, department get-togethers) and informal (cafeteria, affinity groups, dorm parties) settings. It’s unavoidable–dare I say, actually a good thing–to encounter different perspectives in such a concentrated context? It’s a unique opportunity that wouldn’t have happened if a student had chosen a different path.

Learning to have hard conversations and sit with discomfort

This is going to lead to conflict, a natural, normal, and important part of growing up. Conflict could be lower case “c” conflict where someone you’re in a study group with thinks your answer is wrong, and tells you about it. Conflict might be upper case “C” where fundamental beliefs clash during a debate in your Socratic method classroom. So… what are you going to do about it? There’s plenty of productive ways and unproductive ways of dealing with this conflict. A student’s going to need to learn how to sit with the discomfort of not knowing what to do, not knowing if they’re right or wrong, or even possibly doing the wrong thing and causing harm (ouch, but we’ve all been there). 

Finding confidence through complexity

The cool thing about all of this is that it actually builds a student’s confidence. Maybe not in that moment, but perhaps weeks later or months later. By experiencing all these different conflicts, clashes, or disagreements, a student starts to understand that some topics might be more complex than they thought. Something they learned as a kid that they accepted as 100% truth… might not be as accurate as they thought. Other times, something in their course expands their world view and what they thought was merely a small slice of a Universe-sized pie. All of that is excellent fodder for their growth.

 If this still feels right for what you and your student are looking for, consider the following criteria when creating your College List:

• A balance between academic rigor and emotional safety: Ask about resources around tutoring support, how colleges help that transition from high school to college study habits, and even wellbeing resources available to students. See if you can find out how many students actually take advantage of these resources, too.
• Programs that promote dialogue, leadership, and real-world learning: Research what kinds of leadership institutes or project-based initiatives are available to students. For example, Wellesley had a global leadership institute on-campus for juniors and seniors that prioritized international crossover in its participants. Opportunities like study abroad, winter session, or even summer trips can be another way to activate experiential learning.
• Mentorship opportunities: See if older students pair with younger students at some point, and with what level of engagement. Professors who teach on-campus are also excellent mentors, and who can even help shape a career path for students. Look to the alumni network as well, seeing how engaged they are with student clubs or through the career center.

Alignment over brand-name appeal, my friends. I’d rather a client of mine is so clear about what their needs, values, and goals are for their higher educational experience than they only consider the surface level reputation of a certain school (without further research!). By the way, there’s no harm in including top universities and colleges in your list. I just want you to make sure you’re clear about what THEY can offer YOU.

It goes back to being able to define success on your own terms. We’ve got plenty of external messages of what that is, so now’s the time to reflect and find the internal compass whispering…speaking…maybe yelling at you. 

I would love to help you and your aspiring college student through a personalized strategy call to discuss options that are best aligned for your goals. Book a free initial call here.

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To Defining Success by Your Own Terms,

Mara